


Soul Reaching

by aoishmex



Category: Alice Nine, Jrock, Nightmare (Band), SCREW (Band), the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Language, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Violence, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 05:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoishmex/pseuds/aoishmex
Summary: Manabu does his best to help Kazuki heal after a traumatic experience, but there is a part of Kazuki only Aoi can heal.





	1. Chapter 1

Kazuki staggered into the apartment at two in the morning. He dropped his bag on the floor unceremoniously and shed his coat before making his way to the bath. The brunet was able to fill the tub, undress, and get in the water before fatigue turned his world black. Manabu woke at three-something with a nagging sensation. The guitarist left his bedroom for the living room. He recognized Kazuki’s bag and coat but where was Kazuki himself?

Manabu searched his apartment. His brow creased when he saw the lights on in the bathroom. Kazuki’s clothes were strewn on the powder room floor, dirty and torn. The nagging in Manabu’s mind grew as he knocked on the bathroom door. “Kazuki?” It was strangely quiet. Manabu opened the door and stepped inside.

The older guitarist sat still in the tub, eyes closed, head back against the tiled wall. A bleeding cut was on his left cheek just under his eye and his lip was open in a place free of piercings. The bath water was tinged pink in several places.

The black haired guitarist hurried over, checking for a pulse before turning Kazuki to face him. “Zuki? Kazuki, come on, wake up,” Manabu urged. He let out a breath of relief when the brunet’s eyes opened.

Kazuki looked at him, exhausted, before tears welled in his eyes. “Mane…” His voice was barely audible and hoarse.

Manabu noticed irritated markings around the brunet’s neck. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

The elder swallowed. “Rape…”

“Oh, god… How-How many?” Kazuki held up three fingers. “Did you go to the police?” Kazuki nodded. “What about the hospital?”

The brunet wiped at his eyes. “Clean. DNA… to police… by doctors. Called manager,” he struggled out.

“What are these from?” the younger man ventured, gesturing to the marks on his friend’s neck. Kazuki held up his hands as if he was going to strangle someone. Manabu shuddered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. No wonder the elder was having trouble speaking. “Um… Okay. I’m going to get something for your lip and the cut on your cheek. You can soak a little longer while I get you some clothes.” Kazuki nodded in understanding.

Manabu cleaned and treated what cuts he could before going to find clothes for Kazuki. He called their manager and left a message explaining the situation. While Kazuki dressed for bed the younger guitarist put his clothes in the wash. He brought the elder a glass of water. “Here; this should help,” Manabu offered.

Kazuki took the glass and tried to drink. The glass slipped from his shaking hands. Manabu caught it before it could hit the floor and shatter. “Sorry…” the elder rasped.

“It’s okay,” Manabu assured. He refilled the glass and helped Kazuki hold it while he drank. “Better?” The other man nodded. “Do you want to stay with me for a while?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay. We’ll go get your things tomorrow.” Kazuki nodded again. Manabu hesitated. “You know… the others will want to know—when you’re ready.”

“I know…”

“Maybe you shouldn’t talk for a while, either. You don’t have to force it when it hurts.”

“Okay.”

The black haired guitarist remembered something. “I thought you were supposed to stay with Aoi-sempai this weekend.”

Kazuki’s eyes widened, filled with pain and tears, then overflowed at rapid pace with silent sobs. The brunet sank to the floor. in that moment Manabu realized what his friend was feeling. He gave a heavy sigh and knelt by the other as he cried. Something in Manabu told him this was the last time Kazuki would talk for a while.

 

Kazuki spent most of the next day sleeping. At times he woke up, startled by a dream, and relaxed when he saw he was safe in Manabu’s bed. When he was startled to the point he rolled off the bed Manabu was awake in an instant. It was no surprise that the younger man looked as tired as Kazuki did when their manager came by.

“The police have received the DNA samples and are testing them now. However, if the DNA doesn’t match anyone in the national system, it may take longer for them to track down the suspects,” their manager informed. “You’ve already given them your statement—and they have the medical report—but the police would like pictures of any bruises that form… when they form. You can put them in an envelope and give them to me if you don’t want to go to the station yourself.”

Kazuki nodded in understanding. Manabu turned to the other. “He’s staying with me for a while. I’m not forcing him to talk because it hurts… and I don’t think he’s going to for a while. But he does want to go back to work next week,” he explained.

“Won’t… that be difficult? Not only because of what happened but how will you communicate without your voice?”

“I’m sure we can manage,” Manabu assured. “We were able to understand Jin easily enough when he lost his voice.”

Their manager hesitated. “All right. Don’t force yourself, though—not for anything.” He instructed the brunet. Kazuki nodded again. “I’ll keep you informed of what the police say. In the mean time, until your voice returns, we’ll tell the others you have bronchitis.”

“You better text Aoi-sempai and tell him that, too,” Manabu added to the brunet. The elder slumped in resignation. “Thanks for coming by,” Manabu told their manager.

“Of course. Take care of him, Manabu-san.”

“I will.” The other man bowed and left. The black haired guitarist turned to Kazuki with a gentle smile. “We’ll help you through this, Zuki,” he said. “After we eat something we can go to your place and get your things.”

Monday morning Manabu led Kazuki down the halls to their practice room. Kazuki shook with nerves. He was dressed in a long sleeved turtleneck that peeked out from under his coat. The only visible injuries were the cuts on his cheek, lip, and right knuckles. Manabu gave him an encouraging glance before they entered the practice room. “We’re here.”

“Good morning!” Jin and Rui grinned.

“Morning,” the guitarist replied. Kazuki bowed silently.

“Zuki! I’m glad you’re here,” Jin smiled at him. “Is it okay to go without a mask?” he quirked.

Manabu caught the elder’s glance. “Bronchitis isn’t contagious and it’s being treated with antibiotics.”

“Oh. That’s good then.”

Byou looked him over. “What’d you do to your face?”

“And your knuckles,” Rui added.

Kazuki looked at the floor. His hands started shaking more noticeably. The others looked at him in concern. “What’s wrong?” the vocalist asked, his tone much softer now.

The other guitarist waited for a nod from Kazuki before closing their practice room door and locking it. “You might want to sit,” he warned them. Slowly they did and waited for the guitarist to continue. With a heavy breath Manabu told them what had happened. The room hung in tense apprehension as he talked, voice hushed so anyone walking by would not be able to hear anything. “The bronchitis is just a hoax until he’s ready to talk again,” Manabu finished apologetically.

Jin, who looked ready to throw up at the news, stood slowly. “And you… you’re sure they didn’t give you anything?” Kazuki nodded. The drummer hesitated before walking toward him. The brunet knew what he wanted and slowly held out his arms. Jin hugged him slowly, gently, both men fighting back tears. Then Kazuki pulled Manabu to them and reached for Byou and Rui.

They stood like that, all five members locked together, for a long moment. When they broke apart the band decided to focus on practice. It lightened the mood a little. The others were more than relieved Kazuki let them touch him. The day was spent under a delicate atmosphere.

Reika was the next person to find out something was wrong with Kazuki. He found the brunet in the hall and went to hug him. “Hey, man,” the bassist grinned. It faded quickly when Kazuki jerked away. “What’s wrong?” The other man began a series of gestures. “You fell?” Another gesture. “Down the stairs?” Kazuki nodded. “Is that how you got the cuts on your face, too?”

Again, the guitarist nodded.

“So you’re pretty sore, huh? That sucks,” the younger grimaced. “How’s your throat?”

Kazuki fanned the air with a hand. Hot.

“Do the antibiotics help?”

The brunet shook his head.

“Hmm… I’ll get you some ice cream. Does that sound good?” Reika piped up with a smile. The elder nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll bring it to you tomorrow. Will you be here?”

Another nod.

“Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow,” the bassist smiled, waved, and went back to practice.

Kazuki turned back toward his practice room. He wondered how long he would be able to keep up the bronchitis façade. Didn’t people who lost their voice from bronchitis usually get their voice back after two weeks or less? What if it took longer for Kazuki to be able to speak? Would people still believe he had bronchitis? And how long would the pain last? When would he be able to let his friends touch him beyond simple things? The brunet gave a heavy sigh and stopped where he was. He slumped against the wall. _This sucks…  I feel so guilty lying to them but if I tell them, soon everyone will know. I don’t want that—I don’t want him to know. I can’t stand to think of how he would see me if he found out…_

“Kazuki?”

The guitarist whirled around and stumbled backwards.

“Whoa, you okay? Do you feel dizzy?” Aoi asked.

Kazuki backed away, hands up to keep the elder at bay. Before Aoi could ask anything more the younger man bolted down the hall.

Aoi blinked in confusion. “Huh… I wonder what that was all about.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Did you know Kazuki-kun has bronchitis?” Uruha quirked of his bandmate.

Aoi looked up in surprise. “ _Bronchitis_? He told me he wasn’t feeling well but he didn’t say anything about bronchitis… Maybe that’s why he’s avoiding me…” the elder mused.

“Kazuki-kun is avoiding _you_?”

“Yeah. The other day he…” Aoi paused when a figure came in the hall. “Kazuki,” he greeted with a smile. The brunet flinched. He looked at the two guitarists in silence, then clutched the scarf around his neck. As soon as his eyes met Aoi’s Kazuki retreated down the hall. Aoi turned to Uruha. “See?”

Uruha hummed in thought. “I don’t think it’s bronchitis…” he admitted.

The next day was not much different. Aoi found Kazuki alone in the practice room. He knocked on the door to announce his entrance. The brunet whirled around. “I heard you had bronchitis. This is a recipe my mom gave me,” the elder said, holding out a container. “It’s soup.”

Kazuki hesitated before closing the distance. He took the soup from Aoi’s hands, careful not to touch him, and gave a small smile in thanks. The brunet fidgeted nervously.

Aoi noticed the cut under the other’s eyes. “What’s this?” he asked softly and reached out. But the brunet backed away, a hand out to keep the other back, eyes on the floor. Aoi’s brow creased in confusion.

“Zuki, we’re ready to record,” Jin said from the doorway.           

“I’ll let you go. I hope the soup helps,” Aoi said, managing a smile before leaving the practice room. He glanced back at the two.

“You okay?” the drummer asked. Kazuki shook his head.

The guitarist’s brow furrowed in thought. Kazuki would talk to him—well, let _Aoi_ talk to _him_ —but whenever he reached out to touch him the brunet shied away. Something wasn’t right. Aoi decided to keep a closer watch on things for a while.

Sadie came to visit one evening. Aoi watched how Kazuki interacted with the others. He wasn’t smiling much and when his bandmates or someone from Sadie tried to touch him at all he stayed still. No one tried to hug him, though, and that made Aoi even more curious. Kazuki was his usual self around Reika, Hiroto, his bandmates, Sadie—everyone and anyone but Aoi.

“He won’t let me touch him,” Aoi grumbled to his fellow guitarist. “He won’t even come near me on his own.”

“This bugs you a lot, huh?” Uruha questioned.

“Well, yeah, it bugs me; I want to know what I did wrong!” the elder retorted.

“I doubt you did anything. Kazuki sees you as the perfect being. You are flawless and faultless in his eyes,” Uruha scoffed.

“Then what’s going on? I need to know, Uru.”

The brunet looked at his bandmate. Aoi was visibly concerned. Uruha sighed. “I’ll see what I can find out.”

The other looked up hopefully. “Really?”

“Mm.”

“Thanks, Uru,” Aoi breathed.

“Sure.” Unfortunately for Aoi all Uruha could find out was Kazuki had bronchitis and had fallen down some stairs. As to why he was avoiding Aoi, no one knew. Reika also said there was something bothering Kazuki he wouldn’t let on about to anyone. Manabu was the one to question. Unfortunately, when it came to secrets, Manabu was a sealed vault. Uruha found Manabu and Kazuki in the hall. He saw the brunet hand the shorter man a note.

Manabu’s brow creased as he read it. “Tomorrow?” Kazuki nodded. Tears welled in his eyes. “I’ll go with you. That way you won’t be alone. It’ll be okay,” Manabu insisted in a rush. “It’s almost over. Tomorrow, this will all be over,” he continued. Kazuki nodded again and welcomed Manabu’s embrace. “Oh… Did you return Aoi-sempai’s container?” Another nod. “Okay. Let’s go home. You need lots of rest for tomorrow.”

Uruha left his hiding place. _What’s going on tomorrow?_

The next evening, Manabu and Kazuki returned to the younger man’s apartment in exhaustion. “So… the worst is all over,” Manabu breathed. “The pictures, the DNA, and your testimony were more than enough to prove them guilty. You’re really something, Zuki. Not many people can handle seeing their rapists again—even if they are in court. I’m glad it’s over,” he admitted.

Suddenly Kazuki began shaking violently. He dropped to the floor and covered his ears. Manabu stared in concern. The brunet opened his mouth but no sound came. Then he started thrashing.

Manabu knelt before him and tried to grab the elder’s hands. “Kazuki! Kazuki, it’s okay, you’re safe! Snap out of it before you hurt yourself,” the black haired man urged. Kazuki continued thrashing, mouth open in silent screams. “Kazuki, it’s okay! You’re with me, you’re safe!” A hard smack right to his jaw deterred him for a moment. Manabu took a firm hold of the brunet’s shoulders. “Kazuki, wake up!”

Kazuki froze. The frantic look disappeared from his eyes. He turned to his bandmate and mouthed his name. The younger man exhaled in relief. Kazuki reached out to the irritated mark on Manabu’s jaw.

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to do it and it doesn’t hurt that badly. Come on, get up. I’ll draw you a bath.” The elder bowed his head in apology. “I know,” Manabu replied gently and helped the other stand from the floor.

Manabu helped Kazuki in the bath, gave him everything he needed, and put his dirty clothes away. The mirror in the bathroom had been taken down so the brunet didn’t have to see his bruises. The younger man went in the kitchen to make dinner. Kazuki sat in the hot water, mulling over the day’s proceedings. Manabu said the worst was over; meaning all that was left for Kazuki was to recover. But there was a nagging in the back of his mind that told him that wasn’t all that was left. There was still one piece of the puzzle missing. As for his recovery there wasn’t much left. Kazuki knew what happened wasn’t his fault. He only had to wait for his voice to return and the worst bruises to face. There would always be a reminded of the attack for him, and that was why he was avoiding Aoi. He was dirty now, sullied, and any hope for them getting together was gone because of it. A tear rolled down his cheek in to the water.

When Kazuki went back to the living room he found his bandmate on the phone at the small dining table, food going uneaten before him. “The trial was today… The bastards are in jail for life. I’m glad it’s over… It’s not hard for me; well, not now that they’ve been put away… Of course it was… I _had_ to be calm,” he said in a stern voice. “What good would it have done for me to freak out, too? Of course it still makes me angry. I wanted to puke when he told me…” There was a brief silence. Whatever was said next pushed the guitarist over the edge. “The hell do you know about what I’ve been through? I just watched him have a damned relapse! You don’t know what it was like seeing him relive that memory. You don’t know anything about how angry or upset I am. You haven’t been over here to see me _once_. You don’t know shit, Sakito, so you have no right to say I don’t care!” Manabu shouted and slammed his phone shut. “Damn it…” he growled as he threw it across the room. Luckily, it landed on the couch. Suddenly he looked back at Kazuki and knew instantly the brunet had heard. “Shit… It’s not your fault,” Manabu sighed. “He just doesn’t understand…”

Kazuki grabbed his notepad and pen and joined Manabu at the table. He wrote something on the pad before showing it to him. ‘What did he say?’

“Basically that I don’t care enough because of how calm I’ve been the whole time,” the younger man scoffed.

‘You’ve been calm for me. I know you care.’

“Thanks…” Manabu sighed again. He pushed his food away before digging out his cigarettes. Kazuki knew his friend was agitated. When Manabu didn’t eat even though he had gone through the trouble of making food he was going to be touchy with the other person for a while.

‘Is this your first fight?’

The other looked dejectedly at his cigarette. “It’s the biggest…”

‘Are you worried?’

“Yeah… but I’m upset, too. I’m hurt, and it’s always easier to be angry with someone than it is to tell them they hurt you.” The two guitarists sat in silence. “You should eat. Have the rest of mine.”

‘You eat it.’

“I’m not hungry.”

‘Yes, you are. Eat.’

Manabu gave a small chuckle. “Fine.” He was hungry, but if Kazuki wasn’t there he wouldn’t eat regardless. They looked over at the couch when Manabu’s phone rang. Kazuki raised a brow. “I’m not going to answer it. I want him to know I’m angry.”

‘That’s a bit mean of you.’

“Oh, well.”

Kazuki’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. He got up to get his food and joined Manabu at the table again. When dinner was finished they went to bed. Even with the nagging at the back of his mind Kazuki was able to sleep considerably well that night.

In the morning when he was getting dressed the brunet looked at his bruises and frowned. The markings were more prominent on his wrists, arms, and neck. There were many on his sides and back as well. Kazuki wondered how much longer he would have to wear a scarf. The long sleeves weren’t much of a problem considering how cold the weather was getting. The guitarist pulled on his clothes and found a scarf to match. The cuts on his face were fading well enough.

“Zuki, breakfast is ready! We don’t have a lot of time,” Manabu called from the kitchen. Kazuki slipped on his ring and left the powder room.

 

“I think we should celebrate,” Manabu piped up as the two guitarists walked toward their practice room. “It’s a huge victory, don’t you think it?” The brunet nodded. When they rounded the corner where The GazettE’s practice room was the younger man paused. “Ah… we can take the long way,” he whispered.

Kazuki’s eyes locked on Aoi’s. Instantly he looked down, a hand tugging at his shirtsleeves. Aoi watched, inquisitive, giving the two a very pointed stare. Manabu put a hand on the brunet’s back and led him away down the hall.

“You can’t avoid him forever, Zuki. At some point he’s going to notice,” Manabu chastised gently. Kazuki sighed. “Why _are_ you avoiding him?” the younger questioned.

The brunet took out his phone and typed a message. ‘I don’t want him to touch me. I’m dirty. If he finds out he’ll see that and push me away. He’ll be disgusted. I’d rather not have to deal with that pain, too.’

Manabu read the message. “That’s not true, Zuki. I think you want to be closer to him now more than ever.” The elder clutched his phone. “There’s a little poem that goes, ‘ _And when I saw you my soul said, “Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you_.” That, to me, implies that our souls connect at first sight. But I think that only happens when two people really connect… when their souls connect. Your soul has been reaching for Aoi-sempai’s soul for a long time. The thing is… your soul is hurt because of what happened. And because of that hurt it’s afraid to reach out anymore. You need to let yourself reach for him. I know,” he said quickly when he saw the elder’s expression, “you’re scared. But, Kazuki… I really believe Aoi-sempai is the only one who can bring you back.”

Kazuki nodded reluctantly. The practice day was spent in a daze. Kazuki and Manabu disappeared in to their own thoughts, drifting in and out of the work at hand. Neither of them let on as to what was bothering them. At the end of the day their manager paid them an unexpected visit with a small cake and everyone’s favorite non-alcoholic beverage. The others were informed of the news. Jin looked ready to cry in relief. As the band was packing up to leave, extra cake ready to go home with Kazuki and Manabu, a knock interrupted them at the door.

The shorter guitarist looked up, lips turning in a frown. “Oh…”

Sakito gave a sheepish nod to the others. “Could I talk to you?” he ventured.

Manabu huffed indignantly but joined the elder in the hall. “You don’t waste any time, do you?” he muttered.

“I felt this was something that needed to be said as soon as possible.”

The younger man’s chest tightened. He crossed his arms. “Okay.”

The taller guitarist took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. You’re right; I don’t know anything about what you or Kazuki-kun have gone through these past few weeks. I just… My parents aren’t getting along very well right now and I was projecting my stress on to you. It wasn’t fair of me.” Manabu looked up in surprise. “I think it takes a very strong person to do what you did—are doing—and a lot of heart. I’m sorry.”

The black haired man breathed with great relief. “Thank god… Apology accepted,” he said.

Sakito took him by the wrist, pulling him close by the waist, and gave him a firm kiss. Manabu would have pushed him away (they were in public, for heaven’s sake!) if the elder didn’t have a hold of his other hand. When they broke the kiss the younger man looked to the side in embarrassment. “I don’t know what I would do if something like that ever happened to you. I do know I could never be as calm as you were… and I know I would stay with you through the whole ordeal and longer.”

Manabu gave a large smile. Sakito knew exactly how to get to his romantic side. “I know you would,” the younger man said. Sakito kissed him again and Manabu surrendered.

Kazuki smiled at the two. He jumped when his phone vibrated in his pocket. His eyes widened at a message from Aoi. ‘We haven’t done anything for a while. Come to my place after practice on Friday. We’ll have a movie night with one of your favorites.’ The brunet hesitated. How should he reply? Then he recalled what Manabu had said. Maybe, with small steps at a time, he could overcome his fear. If Manabu could do it so could he.

‘Okay.’


	3. Chapter 3

Kazuki stood in front of the closed apartment door. He had barely stepped in to the building before he was shaking with nerves. The brunet shook his head. I can do this, he told himself, one small step at a time. The guitarist raised his hand and pressed the doorbell. Silence followed, then footsteps, and the door swung open.

“There you are,” Aoi greeted with a smile. “Today’s menu is teriyaki chicken, soup, dumplings, and ice cream—courtesy of Kai. I hope you’re hungry.” The younger man nodded eagerly. “Good. Come in,” the other said and moved aside. Kazuki followed him inside. He knew the routine: where to put his shoes, where to sit, what to do. The brunet found Aoi at the dining table, food already spread out for two. “Dig in,” the elder told him.

Dinner, as expected, was spent mostly in silence. Kazuki had brought his notepad so whenever Aoi asked him a question he wrote his reply on the pad and showed it to the other. Aoi observed the brunet in front of him. He had hopes that Kai’s cooking would get the younger man to open up more. Kazuki did not seem tense so things were going well so far. He was still wearing his coat, however, making the elder question if he was cold. But Kazuki insisted he was warm enough.

The movie was indeed one of Kazuki’s favorites. The two guitarists sat on the couch at a comfortable distance, Kazuki paying more attention to the film than Aoi was. Aoi was still observing. He noticed how Kazuki’s eyes darted to him when he moved the slightest bit. When Aoi shifted the brunet tensed until he was sure the space between them was the same. Aoi was determined not to try touching him. He was going to keep himself in check. Although, with the brunet being as skittish as he was, Aoi wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it up. At some point he was going to want to know what in hell was going on.

“Are you ready for ice cream now?” he asked in the middle of the movie. Kazuki nodded enthusiastically, flashing a smile. _At least he’s looking at me a little more now_ … Aoi thought as he moved to the kitchen. He came back with two bowls of ice cream—also Kazuki’s favorite flavor—and held one out to the brunet. Kazuki took it with another smile but was careful not to let his fingers touch Aoi’s. “You’re staying with Manabu-kun, right?” he asked in an attempt to ignore it. The other man nodded. “Something wrong?”

Kazuki hesitated. He wrote something on his notepad and held it up. _I’m having trouble sleeping. Being with a friend helps._

“But why Manabu-kun?”

 _Manabu is a very comforting person_.

“I see.” Aoi sat back on the couch, this time a little closer to the brunet than before. Kazuki tensed, but relaxed once he saw Aoi wasn’t going to move more. “You know you can always come here if something’s bothering you,” the elder voiced. Kazuki was silent. Aoi saw him give a small nod in reply. “Does the ice cream help your throat?”

 _It’s not so bad now, but yes. Thank you_.

“Sure,” the other smiled. They ate their dessert in silence, watching the movie and keeping to themselves. Aoi would still glance over at the other man in thought, looking for any sort of change, trying his best to keep his temper. _This is infuriating… What else can I do to get him to tell me what’s going on? Do I really have to force it out of him? If nothing else works I guess I have no choice_. Kazuki finished his ice cream first. He took the bowl in the kitchen to rinse it. Aoi finished soon after and followed, moving right beside the brunet. Kazuki jumped. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” the elder apologized. Kazuki gave a nervous smile to brush it off and continued rinsing his bowl. “Won’t your sleeves get wet?” Aoi quirked and reached down to move the cloth at the brunet’s wrist out of the way.

The brunet put his bowl in the sink and backed away before Aoi could touch him. He found a piece of paper and a pen, wrote something, and showed it to Aoi. The elder barely saw the word ‘toilet’ before Kazuki was hurrying down the hall. Aoi grit his teeth in frustration. Kazuki closed the door to the toilet room and leaned against the sink. His heart beat with an uneasy rhythm, his hands shook, and his fingers were cold. The brunet took deep breaths to calm himself. _Get yourself under control, Kazuki. You can do this. The movie’s almost over, then you can go back to Manabu’s place. You can do this_. The guitarist continued to breathe until his heart had calmed down and his hands stopped shaking. Then he straightened his hair and clothes, grateful no marks were showing, and walked out. Kazuki was almost at the end of the hall when Aoi cornered him against the wall.

Aoi had snapped. “That’s it. What the hell did I do? Why are you avoiding me?! Why can’t I get near you?!” he shouted. Kazuki stared wide-eyed. Aoi grew closer, blocking out the light from the living room.

The brunet began to panic. _Darkness_ …

“Every time I reach for you, you pull away!”

 _Enclosed space_ …

“You let everyone else touch you but not me! Why is that? What have I done?!”

 _The alleyway_ …

“Tell me, damn it!” the elder shouted and slammed his fist against the wall. He froze when he saw Kazuki’s eyes, wide and full of fear. Kazuki gasped. He darted out from the confined space and rushed out of the apartment. Aoi sighed. No matter what, he had to find out what was going on. If Kazuki stopped being with him… A dark feeling grew in his chest. The raven–haired guitarist grabbed his keys and left his apartment. He didn’t know where Manabu lived, but he sure as hell knew where Kazuki did. And that was where he would wait.

 

Manabu whirled around to the sound of hurried footsteps. Kazuki ran in to the bedroom, grabbed his bags, and began packing. “Zuki? What happened?” he asked. The elder shook his head. “Then why are you in a hurry to leave? Did Aoi-sempai say something? Did he do something?” Again, Kazuki shook his head. He shoved the last of his items in his bags before squeezing the other man’s hand. “Wait, are you going home?” The brunet nodded, gave him a brief hug, and rushed out the door. “Kazuki!”

Kazuki made it back to his own apartment an hour later. He had taken the long way to clear his head, though it hadn’t helped much. If anything it had made him even more exhausted. The brunet pulled out his key, unlocked his apartment door, and stepped inside with a sigh. He had been away for nearly a month. Tomorrow he would have to do some major dusting.

With heavy steps, the guitarist made his way to his bedroom to unpack. He put his dirty clothes in the wash, put grooming items back in the powder room, and put the empty bags in his closet where they belonged. The brunet began undressing for bed. The guitarist had just taken off his coat when footsteps sounded behind him. Kazuki turned to the man in his bedroom doorway. Aoi’s expression was icy and stoic. Instantly the brunet knew he was angry.

“I need to know what’s going on. You’ve been avoiding me—no one else. It isn’t fair and I’m tired of it. So tell me, what’s going on,” the elder ordered and stepped forward. Kazuki stepped back quickly. Aoi gave up on keeping his temper in check. “Why won’t you let me near you?! Why won’t you let me touch you?!” Aoi demanded.

For the first time in weeks Kazuki spoke. “Because I’m filthy! I’m not good enough for you anymore; I’m not worthy of being with you! I can’t let you touch me because I’m not clean! I-If you… ever would have wanted to be with me… I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m filthy and I’m not good enough. So I thought if I didn’t let you touch me at all  it wouldn’t hurt so badly when you push me away for good,” the brunet replied on the verge of tears.

Aoi looked at him in confusion. “Filthy?” he repeated. “What are you talking about?” The elder reached out but Kazuki  shied away, leaving Aoi able to grasp only the scarf around his neck. The fabric came undone in his hand and Aoi’s eyes locked on the horrific markings on the brunet’s skin. Kazuki realized this, quickly putting his hand up to his neck to cover the marks. Then Aoi noticed something odd on the other man’s wrist. Before Kazuki could stop him Aoi had rolled down his sleeve to uncover more bruises. Aoi’s brow creased in worry. “Are there more?” Kazuki nodded. “Where?” The brunet uncovered his other arm, then ran his hands down his torso and along his legs. “Everywhere?” Again, Kazuki nodded, moving his sleeves back with shaky hands. “What… What happened?” the elder asked gently.

Kazuki shook his head and backed away until his back hit the wall. “No…” he choked out.

“Tell me,” Aoi insisted, quickly closing the distance between them. “Please…”

The brunet’s chin quivered with the effort to keep himself from crying. At length he opened his mouth to speak, and though no sound came, Aoi read the silent word painfully clear. He staggered where he stood in shock. Kazuki’s shaking hands went to the marks on his neck, then to his wrists, until they grasped the fabric covering his arms.

Slowly the black haired man reached out with both hands. Kazuki flinched and closed his eyes. Aoi continued, undeterred, until he had gently placed his hands on the brunet’s cheeks. Kazuki gasped and opened his eyes to look at Aoi, tears finally spilling over. With that simple act he understood Aoi did not find him as filthy as he thought. The elder gave a small smile.

Suddenly Aoi realized something. Earlier that day, when he had first yelled at Kazuki and reached for him, Kazuki’s eyes had filled with fear. Now he knew why. “You… You thought I was going to hurt you…” he voiced aloud.

“No, I…” the younger man tried.

 “I… must have brought back memories from … when it happened. Oh, god…!” Aoi gasped. “I’m so sorry!” He wrapped his arms around the brunet in a firm hold and hid his face in the younger man’s chest. Kazuki winced at the slight pain but wrapped his arms around the back haired guitarist’s neck and shoulders, a hand tangling in Aoi’s hair. “I’m sorry…” Aoi repeated.

Kazuki pressed his cheek to the elder’s head. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “It wasn’t you, it was… The hall was getting dark and… it was like the alleyway…”

“You‘re not filthy. You know that, don’t you? It’s not your fault—none of it is. I don’t think you’re filthy at all. I think you’re brave and I’m sorry you had to go through something so awful. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain,” Aoi told him and Kazuki felt tears wetting his shirt. He held the other man tighter, but when Aoi tightened his hold the  brunet cried out in pain. “Shit…” the elder cursed and moved away.

“No…” the brunet voiced to stop him. “Just… softer.”

Aoi looked up at his teary face and nodded, wrapping his arms around Kazuki again. “Okay.” He knew things between them would still be tense for a long time. For now he was just grateful Kazuki wasn’t going to avoid him anymore.  When the two men pulled away from their embrace Aoi reached up and gently wiped the tears from the younger man’s eyes. “Let’s… take things slow. I don’t want you to avoid me anymore; I want you to trust me. I want to help you.” Kazuki nodded in understanding. “Okay… I, um… I should go home and let you sleep. You look exhausted,” the elder voiced.

The brunet took hold of his coat sleeve to keep him there. “I… I really am having trouble sleeping. Being with a friend does help… but I think I’ve been a burden to Manabu too long. He’s not getting much sleep because of me—not that he’d ever say anything,” he stammered.

The elder processed the information. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Kazuki looked up hopefully. “Would you?”

Aoi smiled softly. “Yeah.”

Later that night, Aoi watched over Kazuki as he slept. There was a space between them but, now, Aoi didn’t mind as much. He could only hope  Kazuki would come to trust him more in time. He was angry with himself for being for selfish even though he had no idea what was going on. _If I had been a more considerate sempai… maybe he would have told me sooner… Instead, I couldn’t find any other way but to force it out of him. God, I’m horrible. All this time, I’ve only been thinking of myself. Now I’ll think of you. I’ll help you come back to us_ , he promised to the sleeping brunet. As he looked down at the younger man’s peaceful face, he remembered Kazuki’s confession. _If you ever would have wanted to be with me_ … A blush rose to his cheeks and seemed to travel all the way to his heart. Aoi smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Kazuki hesitated in the hall, only feet away from his practice room door. He glanced back at the man behind him. Aoi chuckled. “Go on,” he encouraged, giving the younger man a nudge. The brunet took a deep breath and walked in to the room.

“Good morning, Kazuki,” Jin greeted.

“Good morning,” Kazuki replied immediately.

Every head turned toward him. Kazuki gave a nervous smile. Then, in a swift movement, Manabu was hugging him. “I’m so glad.” Kazuki hugged him back. The others joined in with one large hug, talking in a large clamor. Manabu stole away in to the hall. “Aoi-sempai.” The other man turned around. “Thank you. I know spending time with you has helped him a lot.”

Aoi nodded. “I hope I can help him more. He’s still very distant with me. I hope that when I change that, he’ll be close to full recovery. I’ll be staying with him for a while,” he explained.

“Okay,” the shorter man agreed. “I think he needs positive human contact—as much as possible. Please take care of him.”

“Don’t worry, I intend to.”

The fact of the matter was that being willing to touch Kazuki in the first place had made a considerable difference. Kazuki still shied away or hesitated at being touched, but Aoi was no longer angry. The reaction was never permanent. As soon as Aoi’s skin met his Kazuki relaxed. There were some places the brunet was wary about but Aoi understood that as well.

The first day Aoi had spent at Kazuki’s apartment was awkward. The brunet was jittery and nervous. He could barely say anything to Aoi let alone sit next to him. On the second day, however, they were always connected (except in certain situations, of course). There was space between them with some part of them touching.  Usually Kazuki had his knee against Aoi’s leg. If he was tired enough the brunet did not hesitate to lean against Aoi’s shoulder. If Aoi was working, though, Kazuki made sure he could reach the elder with his foot.

Sharing a bed was not an issue for Kazuki. It comforted him to wake up from a nightmare and see Aoi beside him. Most of the time, no matter how long he slept, Kazuki never felt rested. Whatever was nagging at the back of his mind was keeping him from a decent sleep. And though Kazuki was talking more he was not talking about his attack. He had yet to tell Aoi about any important details. Then again, he didn’t think Aoi _wanted_ to know.

There were still many vivid markings on the brunet’s skin he would not let Aoi see. Part of that was made easier because of the dropping temperatures. Wearing a scarf around his neck was habit by now. Aoi’s only sign of fading injuries was when Kazuki wore shorter sleeves. If any markings were left on his wrists they were covered up with sweatbands or thick bracelets.

Aoi came back from work one day and found the brunet in the powder room, looking disdainfully at a bruised area on his neck. Before Kazuki could cover them up Aoi moved in behind him, took a gentle hold of the other’s arms, and pressed his lips to the lingering mark. Kazuki drew in a sharp breath and flinched, but Aoi continued until he had kissed every bruise. “They’re healing well,” he smiled encouragingly.

“I wish they were gone,” the younger man sighed.

The black haired man gave him a gentle hug. “It won’t be too much longer,” Aoi assured. “I brought dinner. Are you hungry?”

“Mm.”

“Good; let’s eat. No,” he interjected quickly when he saw the brunet reach for a scarf, “it’s okay. You shouldn’t have to cover up in your own home.”

“But… doesn’t it bother you?” Kazuki hesitated.

Aoi took the scarf out of his hand. “It’s okay,” he repeated. Later that night while the two guitarists were sleeping, Kazuki thought he felt Aoi’s lips on his neck again, soothing the marred skin as he had before. Because of that, Kazuki stopped wearing a scarf at home. “Why don’t you talk about it?” Aoi asked one day.

Kazuki looked up from his papers. “Talk about what?”

“Your attack.”

The brunet’s eyes widened slightly. “Do… Do you _want_ to hear?” he ventured.

“No,” the elder replied honestly, “because it will make me angry. But, if talking about it would help you, I’m here to listen,” he offered.

The other guitarist was silent for nearly a minute. “I was… on my way home from the park. Three men grabbed me off the street, cornered me in the alley. They took turns with… everything… After it was over I called my manager. He came over with the cops but the men were already gone. I went to the hospital, gave the police my statement and what I could remember of what they looked like, and then I went to Manabu’s place. I still haven’t gone to the park… let alone gone down the same street,” he said slowly. Kazuki pressed a hand to his temple in pain. “I feel… like I’m forgetting something…”

“Like what?” the elder inquired.

“Something important about the attack. It’s been bugging me; that’s why I’m not sleeping well.” He let out a frustrated breath.

Aoi sat next to him on the couch. He pulled the younger against him in his arms and held him, rubbing the other’s arms gently to calm him. “It’s all right. Don’t force yourself,” the guitarist soothed.

Kazuki sighed, allowing himself to lean in to the elder’s touch. “Thank you… for listening.”

The other guitarist rest his cheek on the brunet’s head. “Anytime.”

 

“ _Forgetting something_?” Manabu repeated, unsure he had heard correctly.

“Mm,” Kazuki nodded. “I feel like it’s important… but I can’t figure it out or even think why it’s important. It’s frustrating.”

“How long have you thought this?”

“I guess… it’s been bothering me since the trial.”

Manabu’s eyes lit with realization. He gave a deep sigh. “The relapse… and your lack of sleep… No wonder…”

The elder reached out and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. To be honest… I’m glad you’re talking about it. I’m very grateful to Aoi-sempai,” the other dismissed with a small smile.

“Me, too...” Kazuki blushed.

“How is it going, by the way; the two of you living together?”

The brunet fidgeted. “It’s… not for the reason I would want but… I like it,” he admitted. “We get along well and he’s being very patient with me. I’m still jumpy when he tries to touch me but I think that’s because it’s hard for me to believe he wants to. I spent a long time thinking he would never want anything more to do with me if he ever found out, you know? Looking back on it all I don’t even know why I thought that in the first place. He’s not forcing me to do anything; he’s letting me take my time. I’m glad he’s there for me…”

Manabu smiled. “Wow, look at you,” he teased. “If anyone else saw the way you light up when you talk about him there’d be no mistake to them how much you like him.”

Kazuki blushed again. “You’re teasing me.”

“Yes, only because you don’t realize it yourself. I know you love him—and I know you know you love him—but I doubt you know just how much your eyes shine when you’re with him. I doubt Aoi-sempai knows it, too.”

“Someone might hear you,” the elder tried feebly.

The black haired guitarist chuckled. “The important thing is that you’re trying. You’re reaching out to him, finally, unlike before. That makes all the difference.”

Kazuki nodded. “But I’m still afraid to reach out all the way. I’m afraid he won’t like what he finds.”

His bandmate scoffed. “There’s no way that would happen. Don’t you think he would have pushed you away by now if he didn’t like you at all?” Kazuki’s eyes widened. Manabu’s words repeated in his mind constantly throughout the rest of the day.

When Aoi arrived at Kazuki’s apartment that night it was well past dinner. The GazettE had had to stay later than usual for a meeting so Kazuki had Manabu take him home. Aoi wasn’t expecting the brunet to be in bed yet but he also wasn’t expecting to find the younger man busy in the kitchen. “You’re still cooking?” he quirked.

The guitarist turned around at his voice. A white icing bag was in his hands, currently being filled with whipped cream from a bowl. “Dessert…” he replied sheepishly.

Aoi walked over to see what the other was working on. Green jell-o had been poured into four dessert cups. A small bag of macha green tea powder was nearby. “So… you put the whipped cream on top of the jell-o and sprinkle green tea powder on it?” the man guessed.

“Mm,” Kazuki nodded, putting the spoon back in the bowl of whipped cream. “The store was out of canned cream so I had to make it myself.”

“I didn’t know you baked.”

“It’s jell-o. How much baking do you really need to do?” the brunet replied awkwardly. “But I _do_ like to bake sometimes. I don’t go crazy over it like Kai-sempai, though.”

Aoi chuckled. “I don’t think anyone goes crazy over cooking and baking like Kai does. How was your day?”

“Good,” the brunet smiled. “How did your meeting go?”

“It was long. I don’t know how much we actually got accomplished, though. I know Ruki was agitated over the designs so that took a good chunk of time on its own.” Kazuki chuckled. Aoi watched the younger man swirl whipped cream in to one of the jell-o cups. “Can I try?” he asked.

Kazuki looked over in pleasant surprise. “Sure.” He handed the icing bag to Aoi and stepped aside. “Squeeze slowly and swirl.”

The elder nodded in understanding. “How much do I put on it?”

“As much as you want.”

“I was thinking… if your bruises don’t hurt too much we could try putting concealer on them so you don’t have to wear a scarf anymore,” the black haired guitarist voiced, finishing the dollop of cream.

“Mm… Some of them don’t hurt anymore, but they’re still very dark. It would take a lot of concealer, I think,” the younger admitted.

“Ah… Well, the good thing is it’s getting colder so no one will question a scarf anymore,” Aoi shrugged, beginning another dollop.

“I guess…”

Aoi looked up, noticing the other’s troubled expression. “I’m sorry. This isn’t a very fun topic, is it?”

“It’s alright,” the younger assured.

“No, it’s not. It was insensitive of me and I should be more consi…” He stopped talking abruptly when whipped cream shot out of the icing bag on to his face. He heard Kazuki gasp behind him. Aoi stood still, trying to realize what had happened. He looked at the bag in his hands and saw he had squeezed in a different place, causing the cream on top to shoot up from the pressure. Kazuki let out a small noise. Aoi turned around.

Kazuki held a hand to his mouth. His shoulders shook shortly, then stopped, and started up again. Small sounds escaped him. Aoi realized he was laughing. “I’m sorry, I…” the brunet managed before laughter interrupted him. “It’s just…” He laughed again. At first the sound was small, then it grew little by little, until Aoi was watching Kazuki laugh openly.

The elder looked himself over. Cream had gotten on his shirt, neck, hair, and face. He pulled out his phone and used the camera to see his reflection. No wonder Kazuki was laughing so hard.

It had been weeks since Aoi had heard him laugh and the laughter he heard now was so honest and pure Aoi couldn’t find any ounce of anger in himself. Instead, he felt warmth spread through him at the sound. It was a sound he wanted to hear over and over, all the time, for years to come. Kazuki was laughing so much he was holding his sides, leaning against the counter for support.

The brunet controlled his laughter enough to speak. “I’m sorry, sempai,” he said with a large smile. “Here,” Kazuki offered and reached out.

Aoi blinked as Kazuki’s fingers brushed the cream from his cheek. _This is the first time he’s touched me_. He looked at the brunet’s large smile and eyes still full of laughter. _I think I… No, I know_ …

Kazuki used a hand towel to wipe the cream from the elder’s shirt, neck, and hair. “There,” he smiled. He blinked in question when Aoi brought a hand to his chin.

“Please don’t move away,” the guitarist nearly whispered, the earnest look in his eyes compelling Kazuki to stay still. He watched a small blush color the elder’s cheeks as he leaned closer. Kazuki’s heart raced on over-drive. If this was what he thought it was he was now extremely nervous. He had wanted this for who-knows-how-long, and the moment was here. He was ready—and at the same time, he wasn’t. Kazuki did his best to stay still. The reflex to move away was still there and suppressing it was difficult. Aoi placed his hands on the brunet’s arms, now less than three inches away. Kazuki blushed heavily but kept his eyes on Aoi’s.

Then Kazuki felt soft lips slowly touch his own before pressing a firm, gentle kiss to the pierced flesh. Kazuki felt numerous feelings explode inside him before he went numb. His eyes closed and his hands gripped the elder’s upper arms. All he could feel was Aoi. All he could think of was Aoi. All he wanted was the moment etched in his memory forever. Kazuki kissed back, reiterating the feelings he had confessed nearly a week ago.

When the kiss broke Aoi brought a hand to the brunet’s chin again. “I like you,” he breathed.

The younger man replied with a soft kiss. “I love you.”

Aoi blinked in surprise. He knew from the way Kazuki spoke how he had meant the words, and he knew Kazuki was sure of his feelings. The elder gave a small chuckle. “Can you wait for me? I mean… will you keep waiting for me? Until my feelings catch up to yours?” he inquired.

Kazuki nodded. “I can wait.”

“I still don’t want to rush you in to anything.”

“I know.”

“So if I ever cross the line, I want you to let me know right away.”

“Okay.”

The elder gave a large smile. “You know, that was the first time you reached out to me.”

Kazuki blushed. “It’s because you’ve been beside me this whole time; because you showed me you’re not disgusted with me. It’s all because you were willing to touch me even when you knew…”

Aoi pulled him in to his arms. “I told you before, you’re not filthy. You’re not damaged or dirty, you’re hurt. And healing takes time. I will be here when your scars disappear,” the guitarist promised. Kazuki wrapped his arms around the elder’s back with a smile.

“I know.”

Kazuki went to sleep that night in the safety of Aoi’s arms. For the first time in a long while he had pleasant dreams. At some point, however, they disappeared and he was thrust in to a vivid nightmare. _No, it’s not a nightmare… it’s a memory_. Images of his attack flashed rapidly in his mind. He saw the faces of the three men who had attacked him. He heard their laughter and the words they exchanged. He felt pain where they hurt him most. Then, a new sound reached his ears. It was laughter, and when Kazuki’s vision focused on the source, he saw a shadowed man standing slightly behind the three men holding him. A satisfied smirk was on his face. Kazuki screamed and woke with a start.

“Kazuki?” Aoi asked beside him, voice full of concern. “You were screaming in your sleep. What happened, what did you see?”

“There… There was someone else. When they attacked me, there was a fourth man. He was the leader. He told them to do it! He’s still out there! What if he comes after me again?! What if he hurts someone else?!” the brunet rambled in hysterics.

Aoi turned the younger man to face him. “Zuki. Zuki, look at me,” he urged gently. “Look at me.”

Kazuki looked in to the elder’s face, instantly relaxing in his hold. He could feel the hysteria fading. _I see you. I always see you, for everything you are_. “I see you...”

“Shh…” Aoi crooned and pressed a soft kiss to Kazuki’s lips. “It’s going to be all right. We’ll go to the police tomorrow with your manager and get them on the look-out.”

The younger guitarist nodded. “Okay…” He buried his face in the black haired man’s chest and cried.

Aoi held him close. “It’s all right. I’m here…”

 


	5. Chapter 5

Aoi walked in to his band’s practice room to a group of couples. Uruha was seated on Tora’s lap without shame, the older man’s arms wrapped around his waist. Saga and Shou, Reita and Kai, and Hiroto and Nao weren’t quite as obvious. Then again, none of the others were as open as Uruha was. “Where’s Ruki?” Aoi asked, noticing the short vocalist was missing.

“Kyo-san is visiting so they’ll be gone for at least half an hour,” Uruha replied.

“Figures,” the other commented.

“We were just talking about a group date,” Hiroto informed him. “The amusement park is doing something special for Halloween. Should we go?”

“We could dress up,” Shou suggested cheerfully.

“Aoi, you’re welcome to come with us,” Kai told him.

Aoi grabbed a water bottle out of the mini refrigerator. “I don’t know if my boyfriend is big on roller coasters,” he admitted.

“Boyfriend?!” the drummer and Reita exclaimed in unison shock.

“I bet it’s Kazuki-kun,” Hiroto grinned with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“It’s about time,” Tora and Uruha added bluntly.

Aoi stared at them. “What do you mean, it’s about time? You all act like you know something I don’t.”

Saga shrugged. “I doubt it’s a secret anymore. No doubt he told you how he feels about you.”

“Well, yeah…”

“You finally figured out you like him, huh?” Reita chimed in.

“ _Finally_?”

“Oh, come on, Aoi. We all see the two of you together. It was only a matter of time,” Nao stated.

“We just didn’t think it would take this much time,” Uruha blurted.

“Don’t make me hit you,” his bandmate glared.

Uruha snuggled in to Tora’s arms. “I’m in a safety-zone. Tora can stop anything you throw at him.”

“You have no shame,” Kai sighed at the brunet with a shake of his head. Uruha simply smirked. “Ask Kazuki-kun if he’d like to go. We’re probably going to split into couples anyway,” the drummer told Aoi.

The guitarist hesitated. “I’ll see if he’s up to it,” he conceded.

“He has a few weeks to decide so there’s no rush,” Shou smiled, “but tell him we’d love for him to come.”

“Okay.” Later that day Aoi pulled Kazuki aside in the hall and told him of the conversation earlier that morning.

“A group date?” Kazuki blinked.

Aoi nodded. “Yeah… Apparently my band—and all of Alice Nine—knew we would end up together before we did,” he said awkwardly. “There was no point in denying it.”

“I don’t mind,” the brunet assured. A small blush rose to his cheeks. “It’s official now. It’s finally sinking in we’re together,” he mumbled.

The elder chuckled. “You’re cute.”

Kazuki cleared his throat. “Anyway… the date sounds fun. I just… I’m not sure I can handle that big of a crowd quite yet. When do I have to decide?”

“You have a few weeks,” the black haired man informed, “though Shou is looking forward to you coming. I’m sure Hiroto is, too.”

“Well, I’ll definitely think about it,” Kazuki promised with a smile.

“Good,” Aoi smiled back. “What do you say to dinner tonight, just us, for our first date?”

“We always have dinner just us,” the younger man pointed out.

Aoi chuckled. “I meant going out, to a restaurant.”

Kazuki thought for a moment. “I’d like that,” he smiled. “I’ll see you after work.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

The brunet turned to leave, blushing. “That sounds so cheesy…” he mumbled. Aoi shrugged and watched him go for a moment before returning to practice.

 

“I have to stay late for a meeting today,” Aoi announced one morning.

“Okay. I’ll have someone bring me home,” the brunet replied.

“You’re not upset?”

Kazuki raised a brow. “Why would I be? I’m fine coming home on my own as long as someone is with me.”

“All right. We’ll be fed at the meeting so you don’t have to worry about cooking for two.” The younger man nodded in understanding. “Zuki…”

The brunet turned to him. “Hmm?”

Aoi hesitated. “Never mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s not important,” the elder assured with a smile. “I’ll be back as soon as I can tonight.”

Later that night, when Screw was packing up to leave the studio, Kazuki was bombarded by an awkward question. “Have you had sex yet?” the vocalist quirked in to the silence.

Jin gawked at his best friend. “Byou!”

Kazuki blushed. “It’s… only been a week.”

Byou raised a brow. “So?”

“What do you mean, _so_?”

“Mao and I had sex two nights in to our relationship,” the other man confessed. “I can’t be the only one who’s jumped in the sack that early.”

“You are,” the other four countered bluntly.

“Eh? There’s no way. Manabu, how long did you and Sakito wait?” Byou demanded.

Manabu zipped up his coat. “Three weeks.”

“Okay, Manabu’s a bad example; he’s practically a _saint_.”

The guitarist rolled his eyes. “Let him wait as long as he wants. Come on, Zuki, I’ll take you home.”

“Okay,” the brunet said and followed the shorter man out the door. The car ride was silent at first until Kazuki took a breath and spoke. “I _have_ thought about it,” he announced slowly.

Manabu glanced at him. “Hmm? Oh; sex with Aoi-sempai?”

“Mmm.”

“But was this before or after your attack?”

“B-Both…”

The younger man hummed. “That’s good, then.”

Kazuki turned to him in confusion. “Huh?”

“Well, after such a traumatic event, I’m sure intercourse is the last thing people who are recovering even think about. I think most people would be too scared to try anymore—or they just wouldn’t trust anyone that way. But you trust Aoi-sempai, don’t you?”

“Yeah… But I _am_ scared…”

“What? Why?”

“Because of how much I want it.”

Manabu’s eyes widened a little. He nodded slowly. “Oh…”

Kazuki wanted Aoi so deeply it was maddening. He wanted to be connected with Aoi in such an intimate way that allowed him to feel nothing but the older man’s heat. It was practically a need and Kazuki had never felt a yearning for someone so fiercely as he did for Aoi. That was what scared him.

“I understand.”

The brunet’s head turned to Manabu. “What?”

“Yeah…” his bandmate confirmed, a blush coloring his cheeks. “It’s, uh… it’s scary, yes, to want someone so much. But, once it happens, it’s scarier to think you waited so long. There’s no reason to be scared; not when you feel so strongly about them. I’m not saying rush, I’m saying just go for it, because you’re ready. And I think, if you’re ready, Aoi-sempai won’t turn you down. I’m sure that’s what he’s waiting for, too.”

The brunet stared at his bandmate for a long moment in awe. “How did you get to be so good at this relationship stuff?” he asked.

Manabu laughed. “Trial and error. It’s hard to put so much of yourself in to being with another person and trusting them with everything you are—even if you are a _saint_ ,” the guitarist said, repeating Byou’s earlier words. Kazuki laughed.

Thanks to Manabu’s advice Kazuki was in much higher spirits when he entered his apartment that night. During his shower, however, the view from the bathroom mirror dampened his spirits a little. Most of his bruises had already faded, some long ago and some more recently. A couple scratches were healing on his arms. But there were several bruises easily hidden.

Purple lines and spots were on his hips. Three large blotches were on each thigh. Dark rings went around his arms just above the elbows. There were bruises on his ribs, back, and legs. The brunet let out a dejected breath. If he and Aoi tried anything Aoi would see the bruises for sure. _So much for that_ , he pouted. _I don’t want him to see… no matter **how** ready I am._

When Aoi stepped in to the bedroom he saw the brunet standing outside on the small veranda. The elder put his things down and stepped outside. Kazuki was smoking, looking out at the city with a troubled expression. “What’s the matter?” Aoi asked, gently rubbing the other man’s arm. Kazuki said nothing. The elder noticed the slight dampness to his hair. “Did you take a shower?” Kazuki nodded. “You saw some nasty bruises… didn’t you?”

Kazuki sighed, a stream of smoke following. He looked at his wrist where bruises had still been visible only a few days ago. The brunet looked back at the city and nodded. “I’m okay…” he voiced.

Aoi kissed his cheek. “Liar,” he scolded softly. And Kazuki _was_ , trying his best to hide how troubled he was in front of Aoi, but to no avail because Aoi noticed so much. The older guitarist continued pressing kisses to the brunet’s cheek, causing Kazuki to giggle softly. “That’s better,” Aoi smiled.

The younger man gave him a smile. “Thank you.”

“Mm. It’s cold, let’s go in.”

“Okay,” Kazuki agreed, put out his cigarette, and walked past the other back inside.

“Kazuki,” Aoi said suddenly.

“Hmm?” the brunet quirked as he turned around. The guitarist gasped in shock when he was suddenly tackled on the bed, Aoi’s hands on his cheeks, a hand on the elder’s chest in reflex.

“They’re gone!” the other exclaimed with a smile.

The brunet blinked. “What?”

“The marks on your neck; they’re gone!” Aoi repeated, ecstatic. Kazuki’s breath caught when Aoi’s lips pressed against his neck in rapid kisses. Heat rushed to his cheeks. There was a spot on his neck that made him twitch when kissed. A small gasp left him in response. Aoi moved back up and pressed a quick kiss to the brunet’s lips. Again, Kazuki twitched. The older guitarist looked in to his eyes in question. Then he looked away with a small blush, as if he were embarrassed at what he wanted to ask.

Kazuki realized what that unspoken question was and blushed immediately. His mind raced in thought. Was he really ready for this? Was he ready to let Aoi in his heart this far? Could he let his soul reach for the other man in such a vulnerable way? Could he even reach Aoi’s soul? Was he brave enough to let himself reach?

The brunet drew in a deep breath to calm himself. He moved his hand from Aoi’s chest to the elder’s face to direct his gaze back toward him. Then he tugged forward at the fabric of Aoi’s shirt. The elder took the hint, slowly closing the distance between them. Kazuki’s eyes remained locked on his until their lips met with an earnest kiss. The brunet moaned softly in to the kiss, responding in a way he hoped would convey how much he wanted this as well. Aoi became more eager with every kiss. He ran his tongue over Kazuki’s pierced lip and the brunet let him in, letting out another soft moan. The younger man shuddered when Aoi sucked on his tongue before kissing him again. Kazuki felt heat rush to his ears. Fingers dipped in the hem of his shirt.

“Wait…” Kazuki breathed between kisses. Aoi raised a brow. “Turn the lights off,” the younger man requested. “I don’t want you to see.”

Aoi smiled softly in understanding. He reached over Kazuki’s head, turned on the lamp on the headboard, and flipped the switch on the wall. The only light now came from the lamp, providing just enough light for them to see. Again Aoi’s fingers slipped under his shirt. Kazuki raised his arms.

The elder’s large hands ran gently over Kazuki’s bare skin. The brunet shivered, surrendering to the touch. Shivers and jolts of pleasure shook his body. Kisses were pressed to the exposed skin of his neck and chest. Aoi’s tongue ran over sensitive places. He did not bite or grip too harshly. Kazuki felt the elder’s concern and care in every touch. He knew Aoi wouldn’t hurt him.

When Kazuki’s pants had slid to the floor Aoi stopped. Kazuki looked up, confused. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do…” the elder hesitated. “I don’t know what you _want_ me to do,” he clarified. Kazuki understood, somehow, that Aoi meant he didn’t know what had been done to Kazuki during his attack and was afraid of repeating them with a bad outcome.

The younger guitarist took Aoi’s hand in his and guided the elder past his hips. “Touch me, sempai,” he panted. “Please.”

Aoi shuddered at his voice. He coated a few fingers with the gel he had retrieved earlier before slowly pushing one inside. Kazuki moaned, gripping the elder’s arm to encourage him. At the brunet’s consent Aoi added another finger and gave a few slow thrusts with the digits. Kazuki twitched under him, brow knotted in pleasure, moving his hips against Aoi’s fingers. The elder continued, moving his fingers inside the other man to prepare him. He crooked his fingers and the brunet bucked with a gasp. Aoi repeated the action, earning the same response.

“St-Stop… It’s embarrassing…” the brunet whimpered. “When you do that, I…” Aoi crooked his fingers again and saw the way the younger man’s member twitched. “Sempai, I’m ready,” Kazuki voiced.

The elder nodded. “Okay.” Aoi moved away, slid his own jeans off and to the floor, then raised Kazuki’s legs level with his hips as he moved back. The brunet blushed when he felt the tip of Aoi’s member at his entrance. The elder pushed inside slowly, watching for any signs of pain on the other’s face. Suddenly Kazuki’s hand gripped Aoi’s arm harder than before. There was no pain in his expression and the noises he made were from pleasure so Aoi continued until he was completely inside. Kazuki let out a loud gasp, his body shuddered, and his hips bucked in a way that told Aoi what had happened. The brunet hid his face in embarrassment. Aoi couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Don’t laugh,” the younger man pouted.

“That’s a first.”

“You’re still making fun of me!”

Aoi chuckled again and moved the brunet’s arm from his face. “Sorry,” he said, kissed him, and moved his hips. Kazuki gasped, giving the elder an opportunity to slip his tongue past his lips. Soon Aoi had set a steady rhythm.  The brunet melted in to the moment. Aoi was gentle and careful. There was no pain, only pleasure. Aoi was connected to him in a way Kazuki only have hoped for in the past. It was Aoi’s being that filled Kazuki’s entire body with heat. Aoi’s arms wrapped around the brunet’s waist. Kazuki held to the elder’s shoulders as he was pulled up to straddle the elder’s lap. There was a look in Aoi’s dark brown eyes, full of affection, which made Kazuki blush. Now it was _his_ turn to look away. “Zuki…”

Kazuki shivered but turned his gaze back to Aoi. His eyes locked on the elder’s lips and, with equal fervor, their lips met in a deep kiss. Their lips muffled Kazuki’s moans and gasps as Aoi thrust in to him. “S-sempai…” the brunet breathed. Aoi placed kisses along the younger man’s neck, a hand moving to tease Kazuki’s hardened nipples. The brunet bucked in his hold. Kazuki leaned back on to the bed and pulled Aoi with him, legs still hooked on his, arms around his neck. “Faster,” the guitarist pled. “I can’t hold it much longer.”

The black haired guitarist sped up in response. Kazuki’s fingers dug in to his skin. Aoi moved a hand between them, a shiver running up his spine when Kazuki twitched around him in response. “Kazuki… it’s good…”

“Mm…” the younger managed. “I-I can’t…”

“Me, too,” Aoi voiced and began pulling out.

“Don’t…!” Kazuki objected. “Stay inside…”

The elder looked at him in shock. “But then… I’ll be just like _them_ ,” he ventured.

Kazuki shook his head vehemently.  “You could never be like them… You are gentle and warm and… _god_ , so hot! You are _you_ , and I love you,” he assured in a breathless rush. Aoi stared at him. Then he gave a deep thrust. Kazuki moaned in climax, coating Aoi’s hand and his stomach with release for the second time. He felt Aoi empty inside him, his hold tightening around the younger man, Kazuki’s own hands clinging to the elder’s back.

Aoi took one of the brunet’s hands in his and placed a kiss to the knuckles. “Kazuki…”

“Aoi-sempai… I love you…” Kazuki panted.

The black haired guitarist gave a soft smile. “I know,” he said and captured the brunet’s pierced lips in a kiss.

 

Kazuki woke to an odd sensation. Something soft pressed against him repeatedly in a certain pattern. _Kisses?_   Something else, like hair, was tickling him. The sensation traveled from his side to his hip, to his thigh… Kazuki shot up, awake, looking down to see Aoi’s lips on the bruised skin of his thigh. “Y-You weren’t supposed to see,” the brunet stammered. He had hoped to be dressed by the time Aoi woke up.

Aoi finished his work on the younger man’s thigh and moved back up, kissing the marks on Kazuki’s hip next. Then he moved to the ones on his ribs, every kiss as tender as the first, then to his arm. Kazuki heard the elder take a shaky breath. His brow creased as he looked at the other man. Was Aoi shaking? When the guitarist was finished he looked up at Kazuki with a deep emotion Kazuki couldn’t place. He brought his hands to the younger man’s face. “I’m so sorry…” Aoi whispered, voice breaking.

The brunet felt tears in his own eyes. He ran a hand soothingly through Aoi’s hair. “I know…” This was why Kazuki didn’t want Aoi to see his bruises. He didn’t want Aoi to feel bad for something he didn’t do, something he couldn’t have helped or controlled, because he knew Aoi would. “It’s okay.”  Aoi stifled a sound akin to a sob and pressed his lips to Kazuki’s. Kazuki pulled him closer until their bodies connected. Somehow, he hoped Aoi would see Kazuki was okay.


	6. Chapter 6

Cheerful laughter filled The GazettE’s practice room. Four of the members sat on the couch and arm chairs, exchanging lively chatter about their plans for the upcoming long weekend. They mentioned their thoughts about this year’s Halloween Party, what they were going to dress up as, who was having a party and who was going. “Aoi!” Kai beamed when the other guitarist walked in. “Are you and Kazuki going with us to the amusement park?” the drummer asked eagerly.

The guitarist grabbed a can of beer from their mini fridge. “Mm…”

Uruha and Kai looked at each other. “Aoi? Is something wrong?” the other guitarist inquired.

“I’m fine,” the elder replied and took a long swig of his beer. “I had a rough morning.”

“Did something happen?”

Aoi hesitated. “I saw something… upsetting.”

“Please tell me you and Kazuki aren’t fighting already,” Ruki blurted. Reita smacked him on the arm and said something about decorum. “I mean… did you and Kazuki have a fight?” the vocalist corrected himself in a kinder tone.

“No, nothing like that.”

“What did you see?” Kai urged.

The guitarist sank on to the couch, beer in hand, with a dejected sigh. “Some pretty nasty bruises.”

“Oh… on Kazuki?” the vocalist asked. The other nodded. “From when he fell down the stairs, right?”

The other three looked at him in confusion. “He fell down stairs?” Reita repeated.

“Yeah; that’s what I heard. It was… around the time he got bronchitis. Remember how his face and hands were all scratched up? I imagine he got some pretty bad bruises from it,” Ruki explained.

The others murmured in thought. Aoi looked at his hands. A few weeks ago, he would have believed the same thing. Now that he knew the truth, however, all he could think of was how wrong it all was and how gruesome the truth could be. The guitarist stood, handing his beer to his fellow guitarist. “I don’t feel well. I’m going home,” he announced flatly, slung on his coat, and left. His bandmates stared after him.

Uruha passed the can of alcohol to whoever was on his left and ran after the guitarist. “Aoi,” he called out when he caught up, “tell me what’s going on. You already knew about the stairs so that can’t be what’s upsetting you,” he demanded.

“I shouldn’t tell you…” the elder mumbled.

“Yes, you should. For all the stuff I manage to find out for you, you owe me _something_.”

Aoi stopped. He sighed heavily, looked around, and motioned for the taller man to follow him. The two guitarists stepped in to an empty conference room. Aoi locked the door behind them. “Kazuki didn’t fall down any stairs,” he announced.

The younger man’s brow creased. “Then how did he get so scratched up?”

The other guitarist could barely find the words. “He was raped.”

Uruha’s eyes widened in shock. The pieces clicked together in his mind. The scratches, the bronchitis, the scarves, not letting Aoi touch him… Uruha sank in to the nearest chair. “Oh, my god…” the brunet breathed. He looked up at his bandmate. “How… when did you find out?”

The elder looked at the floor. “Just last week.”

“Oh, god. S-So, the bruises…”

“Were from the attack,” Aoi confirmed. “They’re… on his thighs, hips, arms… ribs… they were even on his neck,” he said with a shaky breath.

“Shit… I’m sorry,” Uruha offered, genuinely. Aoi nodded. “I can’t even imagine what he went through… or what you’re going through now, knowing everything. It must have been awful; finding out the truth.”

“I had to find out. Otherwise… who knows how long our relationship would have continued that way.”

“What do you mean?” the younger asked.

Aoi sat down next to him. “He was… afraid I wouldn’t want anything to do with him if I found out. He thought a relationship would definitely be out of his reach if I knew. If I hadn’t forced it out of him… he might still be avoiding me. Things are so much better now,” he explained with a small smile, “but I feel so awful.”

Uruha gripped his arm. “You know it wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could have done,” he said quickly.

“I know… but I wish there was.”

The brunet took a deep breath. The room was in silence as he thought of what to say next. “You’re together; you and Kazuki. Even if you can’t go back in time and stop what happened, what you’re doing for him now is the best thing you could do. He’s loved you for who-knows-how-long, and you’re giving him hope. Don’t you think that counts for something? Because it does. It counts for a _hell_ of a lot. You have to be there for him. He’s always so cheerful and happy—I bet a lot of it is to keep you from worrying. Now he needs you to cheer him up. You can do that, can’t you?” he said firmly.

The elder looked at his hands. “I don’t know…”

“You _can_ ,” Uruha insisted, “because he loves you and he is important to you. You can help him—you already are,” the brunet insisted.

Aoi looked up, unsure, but with a thankful smile. “Okay…”

The younger man nodded in finality. “Good. Now, if you still want to go home, I can cover for you.” Aoi nodded after a moment, telling that was exactly what he wanted to do. “Are you going to your place or Kazuki’s?”

“Kazuki’s.”

“Okay. I’ll tell him you went home early. Get some rest.”

Aoi smiled again. “I will. Thanks, Uru. I owe you a lot.”

“Damn straight,” the taller stated and the two laughed.

When Kazuki came home that night Aoi was sitting on the couch, sheet music on the coffee table and guitar in his lap. The brunet walked over to him, gently stroking the elder’s soft black hair. “Hey… Do you feel any better?” he asked gently.

The other man looked up at him and smiled. “Yeah.”

“I brought you something,” the younger announced and held out the plastic bag in his hand. Aoi took it, looking inside with a questioning brow. A box of chocolate covered strawberries lay at the bottom of the bag. “It’s not much, but I know you like strawberries so I thought it would be a nice treat,” Kazuki explained.

The black haired man took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thanks, Zuki,” he said with a larger smile.

Kazuki squeezed his hand back. “You’re welcome… About the bruises,” he ventured slowly. “They won’t last forever—and they don’t hurt much anymore. I didn’t want you to see them because I knew you would worry… and I didn’t want you to worry.”

Aoi set his guitar down beside him, pulled the man down on his lap, and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I know. You’re always thinking of me, aren’t you?” he said softly. The brunet blushed a little. “I’m glad you told me what happened.” Kazuki looked at him in confusion. “If you hadn’t… you might still be avoiding me. I didn’t like the idea of you avoiding me forever—at all—and that’s why I was determined to force it out of you.”

The brunet bowed his head. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. What we have now… I like it—a lot. You were willing to trust me and give me a chance even though you were afraid. I can’t ask for more than that,” the elder assured and gave Kazuki’s cheek a soft kiss.

The younger man smiled. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck in a hug. _I’m the one who should be thanking you. You’re giving me something I’ve wanted for years. I’m happier than you could imagine_. Kazuki felt Aoi’s fingers slip under his shirt. He shivered at the touch. “Again, already?” he asked, pulling back to look at the elder.

Aoi’s hands ran along the skin of his waist. “You don’t want to?”

Kazuki scoffed. He stood up so he could get in a better position, this time straddling Aoi’s thighs, and shrugged his jacket off his shoulder. “Of course I do.”

“With the lights on?” Aoi quirked with a kiss to the brunet’s neck.

The other nodded. “I want to see you.”

 

Two weeks later, on Friday night, Aoi and Kazuki got dressed for their group date at the amusement park. Kazuki had insisted on showering together, though Aoi only found out why once they were actually in the shower. The bruises were almost completely gone save for a few yellowing spots and the brunet had wanted to show Aoi as soon as possible. The two guitarists were not dressing in costume—no one in the group was—so getting ready didn’t take very long. Within half an hour they joined Tora, Uruha, Reita, Kai, Nao, Hiroto, Saga, and Shou at the entrance to the amusement park.

Shou bounced where he stood when he saw the two. “Yay, you made it!!” he grinned in excitement and hugged the brunet. “We’re a big enough group where we can get a discount,” he told the others.

“Do we _need_ a discount?” Reita quirked.

“Hush! Saving a little extra money now and then never hurt anyone,” Shou reprimanded.

“Besides, my band doesn’t make as much as you guys do,” Kazuki admitted.

“You will, sooner than you think,” Aoi smiled.

“Aaaaw, look at them!!” Hiroto, Nao, and Shou exclaimed. Kazuki blushed.

Tora pat Aoi on the shoulder. “My condolences. Come on, guys, let’s get this party started. I say we meet for dinner in about an hour.”

Saga and Reita nodded in agreement. “No one goes anywhere alone,” the older bassist added.

“Okay,” the others agreed in unison. “What should we do first?” Kai asked.

“Ferris wheel last,” Uruha jumped in. “It’s more romantic that way.”

“Romantic?” Reita repeated. “This is Halloween. It’s supposed to be scary, not romantic.”

Uruha was about to retort when Tora grasped his hand. “Ferris wheel last. Let’s hit a roller coaster!” he grinned and dragged the shorter guitarist toward the ticket booth.

Aoi shook his head. “Tora spoils him,” he commented bluntly. Saga nodded. “Come on,” the guitarist sighed and the group followed the other two to buy their tickets.

After their tickets had been bought the group of musicians headed to the nearest roller coaster. The mass of people in costume and out made it easy for them to blend in without much suspicion. Orange, purple, and black lights and decorations were all around. Scarier decorations, like spider webs and ghouls, were placed near ride entrances. A haunted house attraction was teeming with teenagers, girls complaining to their boyfriends about having to go in. Employees were dressed in their scariest with makeup to match. Screams from park-goers could be heard everywhere you went as workers jumped out and scared them. Festive lights were hung in trees, buildings, and other structures. Maniacal laughter sounded before rides started for special effect.

Many shops had freebies and Halloween-themed prizes. There were games for adults and children, each with an appropriate level of difficulty. The park was filled with couples, friends, children and their parents—people of all ages who had an affinity for the holiday. Some attractions had a western theme, such as a voodoo parlor and fortune telling. Popular Halloween songs (including Halloween Party by the Halloween Junky Orchestra, of course) played throughout the park to accompany other spooky sounds. Little kids ran around in costume or face-paint. Laughter, screams, the smells of food, and excitement filled the air.

After their first hour, the group met at a food stall for dinner, talked while they ate, and split up once again. At first they were split in groups of four, then found others to form a group of six, but by the end of the night everyone went their own way as couples. No one around them thought anything about their holding hands. No one seemed to recognize them, either, and if they did, no one said anything about it. As the night ended, the couples made their way to the ferris wheel when they were ready.

Aoi and Kazuki climbed in to one of the carriers and sat down opposite each other. Kazuki placed his prizes and other things he had bought that night by his feet. A stuffed red panda toy was placed beside him. Aoi had won it for him at one of the game stalls. The two guitarists sat in silence as the ferris wheel came to life and carried them in the air. The ride stopped several times along the way to give the passengers a chance to look around them. Aoi looked over at the brunet when he heard the other give a soft sigh.

Their carrier had stopped at a point that gave them a perfect  view of what was beside them. On Aoi’s right, the water below was black and still. Bright, neon lights cast shadows on the surfaces of darkened buildings. Aoi looked at the happy—albeit tired—expression on Kazuki’s face. The brunet sighed again and leaned against his seat. “Zuki,” the elder voiced.

Kazuki turned to him. “Hmm?”

The black haired guitarist stood, crossed the space between them, and bent down to press a kiss to the younger man’s lips. “Happy Halloween. I’m glad we came,” he smiled.

The brunet blinked at him for a moment, then returned the smile and pulled him down to sit beside him, the panda plush pushed aside. Kazuki kissed him. “Me, too.” To Kazuki, the night was perfect. This was by far the best Halloween he had ever had. And when Aoi kissed him again, that was the only thing to make it even better.

When the two guitarists disembarked the ferris wheel they found their friends nearby, the two shortest musicians shouting at the taller six. “I can’t believe you three!” Nao proclaimed to his bandmates. “You _four_ , I should say! You shouldn’t encourage him!” he added to Uruha.

“You’re not my leader, Nao-kun, and Kai has no room to talk,” the brunet defended himself. The drummer in question flushed in embarrassment.

“You’re not leader, _period_ ,” Saga teased his bandmate. “You’re just upset your ride was boring in comparison.” Nao gawked in disbelief while Shou and Tora laughed.

“What’s going on?” Kazuki asked.

“They did the dirty in the ferris wheel,” Hiroto informed in a low voice.

“We did _a_ dirty in the ferris wheel,” Tora corrected. “These two did the actual dirty,” he added, cocking his head at Shou and Saga.

The bassist shrugged. “The cart is already rocking so no one can tell the difference.” This time Shou did reprimand him, giving the other a light smack on the arm.

“You guys did the dirty, too?” Aoi asked Reita.

His bandmate shrugged. “A dirty, like Tora said. A different one, though.”

The guitarist put up his hand to stop him. “I don’t want to hear anymore. We’re going home. Thanks for inviting us, guys. It was a lot of fun,” he smiled.

“Thank you,” Kazuki echoed and followed the elder out of the park. On the drive home, Aoi had Kazuki’s hand in his the entire time, except when he needed to shift gears. “Oh, we should get makeup wipes from the convenience store,” the brunet reminded as they neared his apartment. Aoi hummed in agreement and found a parking space along the road.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked.

“Hmm? Why?” The elder pointed to the sign naming the street. “Oh…” Kazuki breathed. This was the street where he was attacked. “I think it’d be better, in case you find something else we might need,” the brunet replied cheerfully. Aoi nodded and the two got out of the car. He pulled the younger man closer, hooking the other man’s arm in his. Kazuki gave a small smile and clung to his arm. The two men walked toward the convenience store in silence. The street was practically empty, and there was something eerie about it that made Kazuki nervous. _Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I have nothing to worry about; Aoi is with me_. The brunet looked up, determined to be brave, and froze.

Aoi stopped as well, confused about the sudden change in pace. He turned to the man beside him in question. Kazuki stared ahead, wide-eyed with fright. “Zuki, what is it?” the elder asked in concern.

The younger man’s fingers dug in to Aoi’s arm. “That’s him…” he managed quietly. “The man in the suit, up ahead… he’s the fourth man.”

“So you recognized me after all,” a voice said, a smile evident in the amused tone. Aoi turned to face the man. He was roughly around their height, if not a bit taller. He was dressed in a sleek, black suit, black hair styled in a professional manner. The smile on his face was not at all kind and there was a look in his eyes of twisted enjoyment. Aoi pulled Kazuki closer, fixing the other with a hard stare. “So you told your boyfriend about it, after all, did you?” the man chuckled darkly. “I’m surprised he’s still with you… considering how filthy you are.”

“He’s not filthy,” the older guitarist seethed, “ _you_ are.”

The man gave another chuckle. He set his briefcase aside near a tree lining the street and neared the two men. “I don’t think so. Who was the one who had three different men touching him—all at once?” the man sneered.

Kazuki swallowed hard. “You told them to do it. You told them to do everything.”

“Yes, yes, I did… I told them to pin you to the wall and undress you. I told them to make sure nobody heard you scream. I suppose having them asphyxiate you was the most effective way,” he mused in after-thought. “It’s a bit sad, really… that I didn’t get to take you myself.” The two guitarists shuddered. “Maybe I’ll do that now, hmm? And I’ll make you watch,” the man smirked, turning to Aoi. Kazuki kicked him sharply in the shin. The man grit his teeth in pain, suppressing a yell. “You little bitch,” he growled and swung.

Aoi moved in front of the brunet just before a hard blow struck his eye. Kazuki staggered backwards, Aoi having pushed him out of the way. Aoi held a hand to his eye, regained his vision, and turned back to face the other man. “Don’t touch him.”

The man’s smirk grew more twisted than before. A glint of malice shone in his eyes. “Fine, have it your way. I’ll beat you until you’re too weak to stop me from taking your brown haired friend over there,” he said and swung again. This time his hand struck Aoi’s nose. The guitarist staggered at the force. He had no time to recover or retaliate before he was hit in the eye again. Another blow busted the corner of his lip and one more made his nose bleed. “Had enough?” the man taunted. Aoi swung and caught the man right across the jaw. Blood splattered on him from the force. The man stared, furious, before taking Aoi’s bangs in hand with a harsh grip. “I’m going to enjoy this,” he growled. “You think you can fight me? What about _now_?” His question was emphasized with a hard kick to the guitarist’s gut. Again, Aoi staggered on his feet but refused to fall.

Suddenly another figure shielded his. Kazuki stood between them, staring at his attacker with a steady glare. He supported Aoi’s shaky form, keeping his breathing even and calm, eyes set on the other man. “Go to hell,” the brunet cursed.

The man chuckled, amused at the other’s sudden bravery. His laughter was cut short, however, as someone grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. “What the…?!” He whirled around and stared in disbelief.

“I believe we have a cell reserved with your name on it,” a policeman stated.

“How did you find me?” the man demanded. Kazuki pulled his phone out of his back pocket. The screen showed an on-going call to the police. Everything that had been said had been caught by his phone and, therefore, by the police. “When did you call them?” his attacker demanded.

“As soon as I saw you,” Kazuki replied. “I’ll leave him to you, officer.”

“Yes, sir. Congratulations, Kazuki-san. You brought this case to a close on your own. It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

“Thank you,” the brunet returned with a bow. He and Aoi watched as the officer detained the man and drove away. Kazuki turned to Aoi. The elder looked at him in a way Kazuki had never seen before. A surge of butterflies traveled from his toes to his chest. This was a new feeling, yet the guitarist knew what it was. “I think… my soul finally reached yours,” he voiced.

Aoi smiled the best he could with his busted lip. “ ‘ _And when I saw you my soul went, ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.’_ “ Tears welled in the brunet’s eyes.  Aoi knew they were tears of happiness—and probably relief. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

 

Aoi sat on the edge of the bed as Kazuki cleaned hid cuts. He cringed as a warm washcloth was dabbed at his lip and hissed at the rubbing alcohol on his cuts. An ice pack was in his hand, gingerly pressed to his blackening eye. Kazuki set the cloth down and picked up a small tube of ointment. The brunet gathered some cream on his index finger, re-capped the tube, and slowly pressed the cream to the corner of Aoi’s lip. The elder drew in a sharp breath. “Ow…”

“I know,” the other soothed, gently spreading the cream on his lip. “Is it getting colder?” he asked after a little while. Aoi nodded. “Good; that means it’s working. How’s your eye?”

“Feels a bit better,” the elder replied.

Kazuki moved the ice pack away from Aoi’s eye. “The swelling has gone down. It should be almost gone by Monday,” he informed with a reassuring smile. “You didn’t have to take that hit for me,” the brunet added softly.

The black haired man took his hand in his. “I couldn’t let him hurt you again. So I’m not picture-perfect now; no big deal. We don’t have photoshoots any time soon anyway.”

The younger man chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You’re perfect to _me_.”

Aoi blushed a deep red. He had heard others say Kazuki thought he was perfect, but had never heard Kazuki say it himself until now. An affectionate giggle told him Kazuki saw the coloring. “What are you laughing at?” he pouted, trying to sound intimidating.

“You’re cute.”

“Oh, really?” Aoi surprised the other by taking him by the waist and falling back against the bed, causing Kazuki to straddle his hips. “I just realized something.”

“What?” the brunet blinked.

“I haven’t had dessert today.”

The younger guitarist raised a brow at the odd statement. “We don’t have anything sweet.”

“That’s okay,” Aoi smiled and caressed the brunet’s face. “I’ll have _you,_ just like this.”

Kazuki gawked. “In _this_ position?” he demanded.

The other hummed in confirmation. Before Kazuki could reply, the guitarist sat up with Kazuki still on his lap, and pressed a tender kiss to the man’s pierced lips. The brunet felt his resolve falter and gave in, letting Aoi control the kiss and the moment. Later that night Aoi held the brunet in his arms as he slept. His arms were wrapped around the younger man’s chest, Kazuki’s steady heartbeat under his palm, his own head resting on the other’s shoulder.  Aoi looked down at the man’s sleeping face.

Finally, the nightmares were over. Kazuki’s rapists were all caught, three of them behind bars and the fourth soon to follow. He didn’t have to fear walking down the street anymore. There would be no more nightmares to haunt him. All marks and physical evidence on his body would soon be gone as well. Kazuki was healed. There were no more scars, on his body nor his heart, to remind him of his pain. He was safe and Aoi would keep him that way. The older guitarist pressed a light kiss to the brunet’s neck. “I love you.”

The man stirred slightly in his arms, pressing his body more firmly against his. “I love you, too.”


End file.
